(This post was written when I was trying to heal from some events in my life. I am feeling much better at the moment but still feel this can apply when grieving and healing!)
Hello, it’s been a while, I know. I have been trying to focus on myself and healing mentally and physically lately. However, I had this post written for a whole and feel as though it can potentially help someone going through a tough time. It helped me to write it and so I hope it helps whoever reads it! Enjoy…
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately—for so many reasons—about life and what it means to truly live and be human. I know I’m not alone in this. It’s human nature, especially in times of loss (no matter what kind of loss you’re experiencing—death, heartbreak, end of a friendship, etc.).
The reality is, I don’t think we’re ever ready for these things to happen. At least I know that I never am. I’m a cynical person, a realist, and ultimately, a little bitter sometimes…despite all of that, there’s always a part of me that chooses to see the good in everything—a part of me that still gets totally blindsided when things end—no matter how frequently I’ve lost.
I know, for me, in these times, a big part of me wants to close off, isolate, and feel the pain of the loss. I want to be angry first (that’s my go-to grief emotion—and I’m working on it) and sad way later when I can’t be angry anymore.
Because it’s unfair, right?
Why does life have to be this way?
Why are we constantly filtering through—leaving people’s lives just as quickly as we enter them?
I don’t have these answers, of course. I don’t think anybody does. It’s an unfortunate reality that we all experience various forms of loss as we travel through our own lifetimes.
I’m still learning to accept this. It’s something that is so hard for me to grasp—especially if there are loose ends to the loss—leaving me confused and hurt. I’m sure there is someone else out there who struggles with this as well.
So let me tell you what I’ve learned, and what I’m trying to do now to help me accept these things—things that help me grieve and move on…
For starters, I’m realizing that loss is generally out of my control. There is nothing I can personally do to remedy the loss in most situations.
Once I understand that, I still let myself feel. I cry, I scream, I get angry, sad, and all of those emotions in between because it’s necessary. I have to truly feel something to let myself get through it—but I’m also learning that it doesn’t mean I should dwell.
There’s no timeline for grief, and I’d never tell any of you to stop feeling by a certain time. However, I know for me, that if I dwell too much in my pain for too long, it hurts more than helps. So I feel it and try to let it go as best I can (that doesn’t mean it’s still not hard some days—it’s a process).
I think it’s also important to realize (again, at least for me), that moments are fleeting. A lot of the times (for me) grief (no matter the situation) stems from regrets…
“I wish I would’ve spent more time with them”
“I wish I could tell them this”
“I wish we could’ve done this”
“I wish I could talk to them again”
“I wish I could laugh with them again”
Whatever the case may be, it’s painful and it’s hard. So it’s so important, for me, to try to live in the moment and enjoy people while they’re in my life. I will still feel the loss if they’re no longer around—it’s inevitable—but then at least I can put my mind at ease a bit and reflect on all the good times I did have with them.
It’s not easy. We’re human, it’s difficult for us to be present now. Especially when society constantly hammers into our brains that we should always be thinking about the future. I just know that it’s not sustainable. Sometimes stopping and taking everything in for what it is in the moment, is the best thing. It grounds me, makes me feel whole and alive.
To sum it up, loss and grief are pains that I’m sure a lot of us will never get used to. They’ll always feel like a surprise and always be absolutely brutal. The takeaway here is to live in the moment and love those close to you while they’re here—it’s all you can do. When you do experience loss, feel it so that you can accept it and reflect and then finally move on and feel at least a little bit more like yourself again.
It’s not easy but it is necessary, and unfortunately, inevitable.
So love now, take everything in, be as present as possible, and enjoy the little things as much as you can. Life is a bitch, but it’s not a hopeless journey—there is beauty in the pain.